SPLICE: my movie review

So this is spoilery, I will give the whole movie away. That being said, I think you should see it for WTF and laugh-factor alone.

Yeah, it was that kind of movie.

The film starts out with scientists in a lab breeding this blob slug looking things and trying to get them to mate in order to synthesize a protien to like, cure cancer or something. That part isn’t really explained. There’s science, interesting effects, and Adrien Brody pretending to be a cross between Bill Nye and Adam Lambert is entertaining. Meh. Then…the chick scientist decides they are going to create a human hybrid embryo ‘just to prove they can’. Of course, this is the point in every monster/mad scientist movie where things go wrong.

This cute little thing gets born and of course the woman in all her maternal instinct she mothers it. The guy feels indifferent, and he even attempts to drown it (shocker! it can breathe underwater!). So then they take it to a farm and there is a hint that the woman was abused by a mentally ill mother in her youth (oh, and that’s not the weirdest part). The monster grows up to be wicked sexy. She’s a teenager with hormones and that’s crazy awkward!

So Mr. Scientist guy comes home and goes to see Dren (NERD in reverse, how cheeky). He puts on a record, makes a Bob Fosse reference, and starts dancing with Dren. Dren kisses him, he sees something he recognizes and goes to confront his girlfriend and she admits that yes, Dren is her ‘daughter’ on a biological level.

Then…this movie just goes CRAZY! Dren kills a cat, the woman tries to dissect this stinger thing off her tail, and Mr. Scientist guy has sex with his monster. Yes, you read that correctly. He bangs the monster! People in the theater went from groaning to yelling ‘TAP THAT ASS BOY’. Truly…the movie was interesting until that happened.

Miss Scientist Lady walks in to see her boyfriend porking her ‘daughter/monster’ and gets mad. No shit. Then some stupid stuff happens, they go back to the barn and Dren–who ages like super fast–dies. They bury her, start to burn all her toys and things, when the boss of the lab they work at shows up and demands to see her.

Something kills him. Turns out Dren has the ability to change into a male, kinda like the worm thingys at the beginning of the movie. Dren, now a he, begins to kill them. THEN HE RAPES MISS SCIENTIST LADY. Major eye roll. I swear, if Drean hadn’t killed the cat earlier, he would raped it too…

Cut to the end of the movie, the Scientist Lady is the only one left alive and she’s preggers. Yeah. Preggers with her own grandchild. Super strange. And? She sells the thing to her boss’s boss. All in the name of science.

Overall? I thought the movie was going to be way different. It was interesting until all the sex happened. Then it was laughably stupid. I just can’t even wrap my brain around the fact that a movie studio would let someone make a movie so bad. Then again, The English Patient was a hit so I don’t know.

My grade? In terms of visual effects, cool. Plot? F. Acting? D. Laugh Factor? B (if they would have tried they coulda made it a comedy). Meh, wait to rent it.